Living Old

I recently watched the “Living Old" episode of Frontline TV. I found the episode extremely interesting, yet I also found it scaring me to death (no pun intended). The episode centered around people in a nursing home at an age of 85 or older. It confronted issues like when do you stop pushing for life… When are you at the age and point in your life where death is the next step?

They interviewed a man that had trouble walking and had to regain that ability to help his wife who also couldn’t walk. He stated that both he and his wife could not be in a wheel chair, so he went to therapy to learn how to walk again. During the interview I believe they asked him what he was looking forward to, and he had nothing. Not even the thought of being able to walk again came to him. The thought of getting to a point of no return scares me beyond belief. I know you’re not supposed to fear death, but I guess that’d be one of my flaws. Its terribly hard to comprehend the thought of never having anything to look forward to. At this time in my life (and I’m sure yours), there’s always something we’re planning or thinking about that’s coming in the future, even if you don’t realize it. I’m always thinking ahead and planning future events or outcomes. Watching this episode showed me that there’s a time where you have nothing else to plan or hope for.

Over the summer my grandma died. Naturally it was a sad event, but she had been so sick for years I barely have any memories of her. She had nearly been a vegetable for 5 years, so knowing she was out of misery made the death bearable, if anything. The morning she died I was told my dad (her son) had made her very comfortable and told funny stories to keep the mood up because they knew it was coming. How can someone know when another being is going to pass? The thought of knowing that that moment was coming that EXACT morning, and the fact that they knew, is terrifying.

The whole thought of old age is one I often push to the back of my head. Of course I sometimes have thoughts of grandchildren and being that fun old woman who’s still young at heart and not the “crabby old lady who lives next door”. But never have I ever thought about looking forward to nothing.

Besides scaring me, this episode taught me to live for the moment and have no regrets. Everything that’s happened in my past has truly made me a better, stronger person. I realize not every moment will be great in life, but I hope that I have enough great memories so that when I have nothing else to look forward to, I’ll at least have enough good to look back on.